Better?

Right now I'm not in as bad a mood as I used to be but I admit that there's still a lot about my life that's still messed up. I think I'm doing better though. I read a 'Japanese' novel and it was good and I'm waiting to read the second installment of the trilogy. I just got the result of a recent exam. Owing to bonus points I got over a hundred percent. And because of those things and the fact that I now have my allowance of the week I'm feeling slightly better. Funny. Exams have this huge impact on my mood. But I never work for them. Well, yes, I cram for them, but that doesn't count. And when I do well on them I get high and act like it was destined to happen. Like, 'of course I should have done well on that exam, there's no reason I shouldn't'. But when I don't I bum around and complain and feel depressed and I'm just sick of it happening again and again.

I have to unentangle myself from the results and ask myself whether I did my best or not. Because I have always said (or thought) that that is what counts more. Except that I have never really done my best ever so what is there to ask? And my actions clearly point the other way: I'm only interested in results, and so is everyone else.

Time to change.

For the better, I hope.