Growing Up

There was this entry I wrote a while back but I have yet to post it here. Anyway, several weeks have passed and today marks the official end of the first semester of my first year of medical school. Incredibly, I can honestly say that after the whirlwind of events that brought me here, I am happy - or maybe somewhere very close.

For the first time, I experienced how it feels to be proud of something I've worked reasonably hard for - something I feel that I actually deserve. That, in itself, is for me a remarkable step in the right direction. I feel that I'm where I actually belong, that I'm doing what I'm meant to be doing.

Again I am reminded of the fact that when you end up not doing anything, like it or not you've still made a decision. With the benefit of a few years' perspective, I'm beginning to find this bit of wisdom not oppressive but rather, something that heralds opportunity. Sometimes, deciding to not do something actually requires more active effort and involvement. And sometimes it can spell all the difference.

I have already shed so much in the course of my brief existence. Most things I feel I could have done differently, but there really isn't any way to tell how things could have turned out otherwise. Maybe, if some part of my past were different, I wouldn't be able to come to this point when I feel that I am actually headed somewhere.

Regardless, I know that as I move on with this business of living, I will shed more to uncover who I am, as I wish myself to be. There are some things I am ready to let go of, and there are some that I will probably allow to hang around for a while.

As always, I'm planning to take things one step at a time. Meanwhile, I'm giving myself permission to enjoy things as they come.