Tired

My left hand is still numb from writing. Funny - it's been a while since I subjected my fingers to this much stress. And the results are just perfect, too. No, I did not write something meaningful and important. No, I did not take another important step towards discovering who I am. No, I did nothing to fulfill the greatness that is my destiny. I did less than that. Much less. The kind of 'less' that reminds me of dirt that gets stuck in between my toes when I walk outside on my slippers.

I woke up at 8 this morning, and I immediately realized that my Zoology Lab Manual was due to be passed at precisely that moment. That's when adrenaline started pumping through my veins. Fact: Right then, I had filled up less than an eighth of my manual. Fact: I had all weekend to do it, but I spent all my time trying to postpone the dreaded chore until the last possible moment. Fact: I started on it last night but I got tired and discouraged when I realized just how much work it would take and reverted to reading my current book instead. Fact: Exhausted, I slept at around 3 am and promised myself I'd wake up after a short nap. I didn't.

Bummer.

So I started filling up my manual like crazy and it took me until 3.30 pm. Perfect. Thirty minutes early for my Chemistry exam. I should have been happy, except for the fact that I knew literally nothing, as I mentioned previously, and I had thirty minutes to cram in as much information as I could. As expected, it didn't help much.

I won't talk about how I think I did on the test. I won't say how I felt when I saw my Zoology grades posted on a bulletin board later in the afternoon. They're not important. What's important is that I have, once again, disappointed myself.

Back to my hand. My fingertips are hurting. Not the satisfying kind of hurt that happens when I manage to write down something with a pen and paper that captures my thoughts almost perfectly and makes me feel like there's a point to living. The hurt is more of a reminder of how, hours earlier, I felt like a piece of dirt that gets stuck between my toes when I walk outside on my slippers. And now, well, let's just say that it's not just my left hand that's numb. Because my thoughts are just a big, resounding blank.