Another Litany

I did not get to enroll today. There was a problem with the registration - our block was assigned to the wrong classes. This means I'll have to go back tomorrow morning, right before our classes begin in the afternoon. Talk about short notice.

I got my P.E. grade instead. And though I know it doesn't really matter because P.E. is only a pass-fail course and the teacher was kind to me (she even remembered my name!) besides, I still got irked when I found out I only got a lousy 2.25. The teacher said it's because I didn't move so well. Oookay.

Note to self: let go of misgivings over crappy grade in insignificant subject.

Afterwards I told myself, Hey, why not have a nice meal at McDonald's (I hadn't eaten at McDonald's in over a month because it's out-of-the-way from my place) and get that McFlurry you've been craving for? So of I went in a vain effort to enjoy a satisfactory fast-food experience.

The McFlurry was fine. Everything else wasn't. It started right after I paid for my order. I handed the girl at the counter a five-hundred-peso bill. "Do you have a smaller bill?", girl-at-counter asked. "No," I said, slightly apologetically. So girl-at-counter proceeded to give me one hundred-peso bill, two hundred something pesos worth of twentys, and thirteen one-peso coins. This gave the effect that in one meal, my five hundred pesos had been reduced to one hundred-peso bill, a bunch of twentys, and some heavy coins that made my wallet bulge. I was not at all happy.

I took the only available table, which happened to be close to a number of middle-aged people who were having a meeting of some kind (though how people can stand to hold meetings such a crowded place with eighties new-wave music blaring in the background is beyond my comprehension). Big mistake. Apparently, they were discussing a pyramid marketing scheme. I learned this because their 'leader' kept talking about it in a loud, grating voice. Fortunately, I managed to tune him out after he mentioned something about some guy who pawned off his cell phone to get started in the business. I managed this because I started to notice my food.

I opened my yellow styrofoam food container and discovered, to my dismay, that my eighth of a chicken was a tiny, pathetic-looking wing. Also, the rice serving looked like it would only fill a quarter of a cup. The apple pie, too, seemed smaller than I remembered. At this point I had a strong urge to take back my money and spend it instead at Chef D'Angelo's (which, by the way, I do not consider a fast food place, except during peak hours) where I would at least have had a proper meal in front of me. This, sadly, was not a possibility. Faced with my dismal-looking meal of diminished proportions, it didn't take me long to finish eating and then I was out of there, facing the filthy street called Taft Avenue like a convict just released from prison.

Considering that for the next few weeks I shall once again have to patronize fast-food chains of the same kind, I have formulated a few rules that to me are essential for one to survive this particular type of dining experience unscathed:

1. Be prepared to face long lines in front of the counters upon your arrival, reminiscent of the food rationing services provided by the Soviet Republic decades earlier. Remember: You are not there to be serviced by that particular fast-food chain. You are there to add to the profits of its owners, just like the millions of Russians who died to give glory to their Great Proletarian Republic. So wait.

2. Expect your food to look a lot less appetizing than the pretty pictures you see in the menus.

3. Ignore the loud music/noisy people/unpleasant odors/general uncomfortableness of the surroundings. Buy your meal, eat it, and leave. Do not linger, because that might keep the hordes of potential customers from eating in the same place. It is likely that the loud music/noise/etc. were purposely set up by the management to get rid of you as soon as possible. Respect their wishes.

4. Do not expect the employees to have time to cater your needs. They are probably understaffed and are too busy taking orders from the customers who just keep on coming. This also applies to people who expect clean lavatories provided with soap and toilet paper - odds are, you're on your own.

5. Finally, whatever your circumstances, always compare your situation to the worst possible scenario. Then just grit your teeth, take a few deep breaths, and repeat the words 'this could be worse' in your head until you feel a bit better. If this doesn't work, go far, far away. You aren't in the right disposition to sustain other similar encounters. Better stick to home-cooked meals.

I think that this rip-off from something JFK said best illustrates the fast-food philosophy:

Think not what your fast-food chain can do for you, rather, think of what YOU can do for your fast-food chain.