Disappointed?

The results are in. I was right in worrying about how my recently taken exams would turn out. In descending order: 78. 59. 44. I have never gotten grades like these in my life. Grades in almost equal proportion to the effort I put in. I have no right to be unhappy. But I am. When life gives you lucky breaks too often you start acting like you deserve them. This is my little dose of reality.

I have yet another exam to take tomorrow (I mean this) afternoon. And as usual I know absolutely nothing about what I'll be tested on. Also, I have to finish the portion of the lab report that I have to redo because the other one I made was on the wrong activity. How stupid is that? Well, my life has always been perfect.

I know I should be studying or writing (the report) or cleaning up my messy room but I am compelled to do this. I want to keep a record of everything because I feel that somehow that gives them a degree of permanence. I want to make myself feel that I didn't just breeze through life and leave nothing behind. As if I never even existed. Even if all I have to show for it are random thoughts.